My Crazy Movie List... Just the beginning!

Well, here it is... By no means complete... even as I'm writing this I realize i forgot to put "The Five Deadly Venoms" in... but no list can ever be complete... so I present for your perusal THE CHRIS PUBLIC GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME LIST SO SHUT AND QUIT BUGGIN ME!!!!!!!

 Shaolin Soccer (2001)

Miramax is continually delaying the release of this Stephen Chow Classic, while they edit out crucial scenes and add "Kung Fu Fighting" to the soundtrack, just to show that they "get it". Would someone please punch Harvey Weinstein in his nose? "Ouch!! That Stings! I gotta go call my Mutha!" No, no, not Harvey Fierstein....oh, never mind. Go rent it now... Chow plays a wandering monk who is recruited by a down-and-out coach to start a soccer team. Soon, the uses of his Kung Fu skills become apparent, and they start doing well, but will they be able to defeat "The Evil Team"? The Bad News Bears meets The Matrix. The Feel-Good hit of the century!

  Wild Zero (2000)

Did you say you wanted Rock N' Roll? I can't hear you!!!! Did you say you wanted Zombies???? Best described as "Kiss meets The Phantom" vs. "Rock N' Roll High School". If you want to see greasy-haired rockers fighting Zombies, Gangsters, UFO's and... some guy in REALLY tight hot pants.... then this is the film for you. Japanese Rockers Guitar Wolf face off against the forces of evil with only the Power of Rock on their side. Well, they have magic guitars, and cars that shoot flames out of them as well... but there's lots of really badly made-up Zombies wandering around. And they have to stop and comb their hair a lot. So it's not as easy as you think. As touching an ode to Zombie Love as you will ever see.

 The Mission (1999)

Love John Woo? Ever wonder what Chow Yun-Fat does in between the eye-popping, two-gun, seizure-inducing action scenes? Here's your answer. This innovative, minimalist film explores the moments between the high octane, bullets-and-mayhem-filled action of your average HK bodyguard. A mismatched group of bodyguards are assigned to protect a crime boss who has a contract out on him. Problem is, nothing much happens, and tensions between the men begin to rise. Johnny To is the new King of HK film!!!!


 Moonlight Express (1999)

A Japanese tourist falls for a tortured undercover cop, who happens to be the spitting image of her deceased husband. Sure, the late great Leslie Cheung could have phoned in this tailor-made role, instead he waltzes through his world-weary persona with powerful sincerity. And Takako Tokiwa just looks as sweet as she can. This is one for you and your girlfriends fellas. Don't worry, stuff blows up every now and then. As tortured in real life as he was onscreen, Leslie Cheung committed suicide in April of 2003. The legacy of this legendary star will be kept alive by his legions of fans.


 Love Serenade (1996)

A Big City DJ moves to a remote small town in the Australian outback, prompting a battle for his unlikely affections between two sisters. And if that doesn't get your attention, about halfway through this movie, things start to get very, very, very, wierd. Undiscovered gem with some very brave performances.


 Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)

Todd Solondz has made some unpleasant, uncomprimising movies that deal with the parts of ourselves we'd just as soon forget, but none as affecting and direct as his debut. At some point in the painful process of growing up, all of us were either the tormentor, or the tormentee. There's no escape from the truth. Odd, painful and beautiful. No redemption.


 Supercop 2 (1993)

Michelle Yeoh, the star of Crouching Tiger, and one of the most powerful, daring and beautiful women in Cinema today, stars in this sequel to Supercop. She reprises her role as a stern, no-nonsense Mainland Police Officer, whose boyfriend may be involved in some shady business. If you wanna see the girls kick some ass, this Cop's for you.

 Sword Stained with Royal Blood (1993)

A remake of a King Hu classic (King Who? see see http://www.lovehkfilm.com/people/hu_king.htm) and an example of the Wuxia genre at it's zaniest and most over the top. Though many purists dislike it because of these same reasons, it has a certain manic energy that I just loved. And Yuen Biao as a honest Constable determined to do his duty just hits me in the right place... Though the best introduction to Wuxia is probably:

The Bride with White Hair (1993)

Starring Brigette Lin, one of the true Goddesses of asian cinema, as a jilted lover who swears revenge on the man who betrayed her. Elegantly told in flashbacks, it is an epic saga of love, heroism and betrayal. It has none of the quirkier elements of asian fantasy/swordplay that true fans of the genre have come to accept (and even love). A perfect introduction, and a great Kung Fu Date movie with some fairly erotic (for the genre) sequences. For true Erotic kung Fu zaniness, see Chinese Erotic Ghost Story.


 Braindead (1992)

Now let's get to the Zombies!!!! What can be said about this movie? It is just a Zombie-fest, Highlights include: Hot Zombie-on-Zombie action, A cheerful walk with a Zombie baby in the park, a karate-kicking Preacher fighting the undead, and a blood-soaked finale that decimates more Zombies than you have ever seen on screen before. hilarious fun, all in very, very Bad Taste!
Warning: Do Not Rent This Movie From Blockbuster. it has been edited so severly, there are barely anything more than Credits, and a few scenes! Go to your local underground videostore. Also known as "Dead Alive"


 Saviour of the Soul (1992)

All style and no Substance, But what style! Futuristic action thriller, in which sword-wielding assassins battle each other to the death. A bizarre mix of action, romance and comedy. Not for people who like their movies to make sense. Starring the sadly departed Anita Mui, who I just learned had recently passed away. It literally took my breath away. She died in December of 2003, of cervical cancer. You can see her in Magnificent Trio, Drunken Master, and Rumble in the Bronx. See these films! She was a gifted actress, comedianne, and singer, whose racy shows earned her the title of "Hong Kong Madonna". Sadly missed by millions of fans.

 Police Story III: Supercop (1992)

This is it! The movie that finally helped Jackie Chan cross over into the american market. Of course it helps that Michelle Yeoh came out of retirement to take a starring role as his partner. The stunts are unbelievable, the action breathtaking, the jokes are funny even for western audiences, and Michelle holds her own, kicking ass and doing incredible stunts. See Jackie dangle from a helicopter! See Michelle jump a motorcycle onto a moving train! No wires! No stuntdoubles! No Way!!!! This is what it's all about. The crowning achievement of a lifetime. Yay Jackie! Yay Michelle!

 Raise High the Red Lantern (1991)

Gong Li, simply the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. The most replendent, expressive compelling gaze in ALL of cinematic history. Just turn the camera on her and shoot. It's worth seeing her in any film, but I chose this one because it was such a hit with western audiences. Zhang Yimou directs this powerful tale of gothic melodrama, Gong Li plays an intelligent country girl, who becomes the fourth wife of a powerful Lord. The lantern in question is placed at the house of whichever wife he decides to spend the night, and Gong Li is soon ensnared in the political machinations of the other wives. She finally decides to make a few moves herself, with disastrous results. Heart wrenching, and sumptously filmed. But if you really want to suffer, see her in Zhang's "To Live." it's like having your heart ripped out, sewn back in, and then ripped out again. Sponsored by Kleenex.


 Delicatessen (1991)

This demented fable pits a young ex-clown against a cannibalistic butcher/landlord, keen on fattening him up for the slaughter. A hilarious post-apocalyptic fantasy inspired by Fellini, Jodorowsky, and Bunuel. You've never heard a saw played so beautifully.


 Henry & June (1990)

This erotic classic has the honor of being the first film classified "NC-17", a sort of alternative to "X". Why? I think mostly because sexuality is tackled as earnestly as it was in the lives and literature of Henry Miller and Anais Nin, whom this movie is based upon. Remember, the works of Henry Miller were banned until the sixties, almost forty years after they were written. They are both among my favourite authors, and this film portrays them quite well. It also captures the zeigeist of 1930's Paris. The period recreation is evocative and stunning, the soundtrack exquisite. and the performances are strong and human. Look for Uma Thurman, as the eponymous June, and Richard E. Grant in an unusual supporting role (i.e. he's not mad as march hare)


 Magic Cop (1990)

Holy Crap! It's Mr. Vampire!!! The premise is simple: A taoist ghost-busting cop must stop an evil japanese witch who is using the undead to deliver drugs. So cliche! Fans of the hopping Vampire genre will be VERY disappointed. SPOILER ALERT!!!!! No Vampires hop in this movie. But regardless, all of the familiar elements of the Chinese Supernatural Action Comedy are present: Bumbling, disbelieving apprentices, Zany Humour, bizarre taoist rituals, a fart joke or two, and legions of undead action! Really. What more to you need? What? Your favorite movie is "A River Runs Through It?" Aw, Come on!!!! Why did you read this far even? No Zombies were harmed in the writing of this review.

Road House (1989)

Ahhh yeah! he's back! The man himself! THE MIGHTY SWAYZE!!!!!!! It's all about The Swayze!!! We are getting Crayze with the Swayze!!!! See Patrick Swayze with the mullet Jesus would envy!!! See Patrick all greased up and doing Tai Chi!!!! See monster trucks crushing cars!!!!! See Jeff Healey Playing in a biker Bar!!!! See the bad guy with an even better Mullet, uttering the immortal line:"I used to fuck guys like you in prison!!!!" Forget about Black Dog, this is one Swayze you gotta own!!!! What haircut would Jesus have?

 Akira (1988)

Neo-Tokyo is about to explode!!!! Japanese Scifi Animation classic based on the long-running manga by Katsuhiro Ôtomo. In a post-apocolyptic Japan, a top-secret government experiment transforms a low-level frustrated gang member into a dangerous psionic warrior, with unexpected results. The animation and music in this production were truly revolutionary. Like Blade Runner, people are still trying to remake this movie. One time I saw this and I was too high, and it really freaked me out. Honest. Stay away from the chronic.

Time of The Gypsies (1988)

Sometimes described as the Gypsy "Godfather" this classic of "magic realism' follows the rise and fall of a young gypsy as he attempts to build a better life for himself and his sister. So many scenes stand out in this movie, I don't know where do begin. The soundtrack is so beautiful, I listen to it all the time. especially when I'm making sweet, sweet Gypsy love. I didn't tell you? I'm the King of the Gypsies! Fuck Eric Roberts!What? Oh, right, the movie... ahem... A luminous, beautiful and tragic glimpse into a rarely seen world, a postcard from a place that may no longer exist. Own it.


 Tetsuo (1988)

Also known as Iron Man. In the harrowing first scenes, a man castrates himself, and puts a drill in it's (You know, IT'S) place. The machine slowly begins to take over his entire body. But no mere description can do justice to this Underground Industrial Nightmare. Shot entirely in Black and White, with almost no dialogue, and utilizing impressive stop-motion animation, this riveting (pun intended) japanese masterpiece overwhelms, horrifies, and manages to create a bizarre sort of beauty with it's odd, junkyard aethestic. The japanese are weird, weird people.

 Evil Dead II (1987)
In a way, almost a companion piece to Tetsuo. You certainly watch a double-feature, if you could stomach it. Sam Raimi's masterpiece (No... it isn't Darkman, fanboy!). Long before he went mainstream with Xena and Spiderman, he directed this sequel, which is essentially the same movie all over again, with a bigger budget. A runaway vehicle for the King of B-Cinema, the rubber-faced Bruce Campbell, whose chin should win an academy award. Raimi and Campbell, find the top, go over it, around again, build a new top even higher, and then go OVER THAT as well. Great, goofy, gory fun.

 A Chinese Ghost Story (1987)

Another great introduction for the Chinese Supernatural Action movie. A beautiful ghost falls in love with a wandering scholar, and tries to protect him from the Evil Spirit that she serves. Tsui Hark produced this gem that wowed audiences the world over. Great production values, romance aplenty, and a twist that will knock your socks off (assuming you're wearing socks). Oh, and it's got a Rapping Taoist Priest as well.... just go see it already! Your girlfriend WON'T hate it. Assuming you have a girlfriend. Which, come to think of it, if you're reading this blog, you probably don't.