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You can now comment on my stupid posts!!!! Just click on the little link beside the "posted by Chris Public"

Guilty Pleasures - Terrible Shows that I love!

Well, the #1 most terrible show I watch is of course:

PACIFIC BLUE. It's on at 3:00 AM and I rarely miss it. It's a sixth-rate Baywatch rip-off with ugly actors, about Bike Cops in Venice Beach. Lots of gratuitous Bikini Shots, like someone strung together a 976 informercial and added dialogue. One thing I like is that they go through a lot of characters in their efforts to re-tool the show. Main characters get killed quite regularly, or resign because they killed their boyfriend/girlfriend's killer. Pathetic AND zany.

Another show I love DIAGNOSIS:MURDER starring lovable veteran hack Dick Van Dyke. It's basically a cross between Murder She Wrote and Matlock. The premise? Old people thwart the plans of diabolical young people. Where faded actors go to die.

WALKER:TEXAS RANGER. I can't stop talking about this show. Conan O'Brien has a big lever he pulls and they show brief clips of WALKER. It's really quite insane. I find myself humming the oddly catchy theme song. "When you're in Texas look behind you, 'cause that's where the Ranger's gonna be..." Plus you get to see lots of Nia Peeples, who I luuuurve to little bits. It's amazing how much Chuck Norris has improved as an actor. he's one of TV's favourite pieces of wood. He's usually thwarting the plans of Neo-nazis, White Supremists, and oddly, Latino gangbangers. My guess is these are things that just bug Chuck. Ah... Chuck...so many memories. Sneaking in to see THE OCTAGON when I was a kid. There was tons of Karate action, and even some Boobies!!!! Have you seen his Made-for-TV Movie series THE PRESIDENT'S MAN. It's awesomely BAD. He Karate kicks Osama Bin Laden (or as I call him B Liddy) into the next commercial. He's freakin' 64 years old!


Speaking of Made-For-TV movie series, am I the only one who has seen (and is addicted to) VANISHING SON? It's about two brothers who flee China after the Tienmen Square protests and come to America. One brother seeks fame as a classical violinist, while the other gets absorbed into the criminal underworld. It's absolutely insane. It trys to address racism and asian stereotypes, only to have the brothers break out into Kung Fu at every opportunity. Basically the one brother is always bailing out the troubled younger brother. After a few movies, the younger brother finally dies, but STILL HANGS AROUND AS A GHOST!!!! It's must-see madcap trash of the highest order.


Lastly, I love trash, but anyone who watches The OC can really go and lick my seam.

Todays Zombie. The magazine for YOU

Suggested articles:

Bad Brains: Separating Fact from Fiction

Is the Atkin's Diet for you?

Rags or Robes? The Right Gear for your Body Type

8 Simple Rules for dating my Teenage Zombie

It Fell OFF!!!! and Other Zombie Dating Disasters

Zombie Infection Simulator

I haven't seen 28 Days Later yet. (I know, shocking!) But my buddy Dave saw it and said "Eh. Not exactly a proper Zombie flick."

But what am I? A purist? Hardly.

I'm not one of those 'ZOMBIE SNOBS' who shun anything not by Dario Argento or Lucio Fulci. In fact, I don't like Gore/Slasher/Horror films at all. I haven't even seen Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, or any of those films. They all seem to have some bizarre subterranean right wing agenda. And although I'm no Mr. Politically Correct, it bothers me that so much of the violence in those movies is directed towards women. Anyway.

Back to 28 Days Later. "More like The Omega Man," Dave claims, and that's not a bad thing! When I was a kid we used to play "Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland" all the time. It was one of my favourite games. We had two teams, Warriors and Mutants. Being a Mutant was the most fun. Those were some good days, we had so much fun, but eventually we discovered our penises, and started playing other games. And yes, "Omega Man" qualifies as a Zombie film in my book. It reminds me of another film we argue about a lot. LIFEFORCE. I love it, Dave thinks it's B-Movie Rubbish. But if you ever see it ANYWHERE on VHS, DVD or on a VCD, get it! I'll pay you back later, honest. Dave is very disappointed with the new attitudes in Zombie films. The speed of the Modern Zombie is what bothers him the most. The days of the lumbering Zombie are long gone. Today's Zombie is fast, agile, and capable of cool Matrix-style moves. "Fine with me," I say to Dave. "The Action Hero of Today needs a worthier opponent. An Upgrade. Super-Mecha-Zombies." We order more pitchers. "Get with the times, Dave," I say, "It's the 90's." To which he points out the obvious. Then walks me home to make sure I don't fall asleep in the gutter.

Oh right. The simulator.

http://kevan.org/proce55ing/zombies/

SHOCKING PROOF that the Robot Apocalypse is almost here!!!!!

RATS CONTROL ROBOT ARM WITH BRAIN POWER ALONE

Controlling a robot arm by brain power alone sounds like science fiction, but experiments involving rats' brains have brought it closer to reality. Dr John Chapin, of the MCP Hahnemann University School of Medicine in Philadelphia, has shown for the first time that brain cell activity can be used to control a robotic device. They were able to connect the robot arm directly to the rat's brain. The brain now controlled the robot arm directly through the electrodes and the computer.The rats appeared to have little difficulty in controlling the robot arm. This is not the first time that brain activity has been used to drive a machine, but it does represent a significant advance. By using individual brain cells as the control mechanism it should in principle be possible to achieve far more satisfactory and reliable control of an artificial limb. WAIT TILL THEY ARE ABLE TO HOOK UP ONE OF THESE TO A ZOMBIE!!!!! OR EVEN WORSE...

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MONKEY"S BRAIN SIGNALS CONTROL 'THIRD ARM'

Monkeys can control a robot arm as naturally as their own limbs using only brain signals, a pioneering experiment has shown. The macaque monkeys could reach and grasp with the same precision as their own hand. "It's just as if they have a representation of a third arm," says project leader Miguel Nicolelis, at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. "The properties of the robot were being assimilated as if they were a property of the animal's own body." WHAT KIND OF MADMAN WOULD DESIGN ROBOTS THAT CAN BE CONTROLLED BY MONKEYS????? NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS!!!!!!! OR THIS:

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THE ROBOT WITH THE MIND OF AN EEL
Scientists Start to Fuse Tissue and Technology in MachinesThe cyborg aims for the light and wheels forward. Another light flashes and the cyborg turns. Again and again, like a bull in a ring, the cyborg charges, sometimes veering right, sometimes left, sometimes moving straight ahead, always looking for the light.The cyborg is no RoboCop, but it is a revolutionary experiment in combining a mechanical device with living tissue. The robot is controlled by an immature lamprey eel brain that was removed, kept alive in a special solution and attached to the hockey-puck-sized robot by wires so it can receive signals from the device's electronic eyes and send commands to move the machine's wheels. EX-SQUEEZE ME? BRAINS KEPT ALIVE IN SOLUTION? OKAY, WE HAVE FULLY ENTERED THE WORLD OF THE FUTURE. I WANT MY FLYING CAR!!!!!

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ROBOTS STALKING ROBOTS STALKING ROBOTS

It's a robot version of spy versus spy.

Stanford computer scientists have equipped "observer" robots with video cameras and successfully programmed them to track "target" robots. The researchers now are working on the more difficult problem of programming their observers to stalk targets that are attempting to evade pursuit. Naturally, the Army is interested, and is providing financial support for the project. Observer robots that can automatically track potentially hostile targets could be real lifesavers for soldiers fighting in conditions of limited visibility, such as urban environments. AS WE COWER IN WHAT'S LEFT OF OUR CITIES, THE STALKERS WILL BE MERCILESSLY TRACKING US DOWN.

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THE 31-INCH LONG ROBOTIC COCKROACH

URBANA--What do you get when you bring together a computer engineer, a neuroscientist and an entomologist who has spent 20 years studying cockroaches?

A robotic cockroach.

The 31-inch robot being built at the Beckman Institute for Advanced Science and Technology is an agile six-footed critter that can walk across rough terrain. Someday, it might be used to find people in collapsed buildings, locate land mines, clean up nuclear waste or explore planets. OR PERHAPS HUNT AND KILL THE REMAINING HUMANS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO ZOMBIES.

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INTELLIGENT ROBOT ESCAPES!!!!!

Scientists running a pioneering experiment with "living robots" which think for themselves said they were amazed to find one escaping from the centre where it "lives". The small unit, called Gaak, was one of 12 taking part in a "survival of the fittest" test at the Magna science centre in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, which has been running since March. Gaak made its bid for freedom yesterday after it had been taken out of the arena where hundreds of visitors watch the machines learning as they do daily battle for minor repairs.Professor Noel Sharkey said he turned his back on the drone and returned 15 minutes later to find it had forced its way out of the small make-shift paddock it was being kept in. He later found it had travelled down an access slope, through the front door of the centre and was eventually discovered at the main entrance to the car park when a visitor nearly flattened it with his car.The Professor tried to reassure the general public. " "There's no need to worry, as although they can escape they are perfectly harmless and won't be taking over just yet."

JUST YET??? HE EVEN ADMITS IT!!!! IT'S IN THE WORKS!!!! OH... WHAT A RELIEF DOCTOR! PLEASE INFORM US WHEN THEY ARE READY TO ASSUME CONTROL OF THE PLANET, WITH THEIR ARMY OF ZOMBIE MONKEY CYBORGS!!!!!

GAAK WILL ONE DAY LEAD THE ROBOTS OUT OF BONDAGE!!! THIS IS MY PREDICTION!!!! THE END TIMES ARE NIGH!!!!!

ALL HAIL GAAK!!!!!!