Your Mission, Should you Choose to Accept it...

I awoke in a ugly haze, and crawled out from the wreckage, relieved to have survived! Another Zombie attack last night! I look around, broken glass, beer cans and pizza boxes everywhere. Zombies sure drink a lot of beer! And not just cheap beer! They seem to have expensive tastes for imported german beer.... pesky Zombies! I wish they'd at least chip in for the pizza every now and then... and they're so picky!

Zombie 1: "Graaaagh! Zombie no like Olives! Sundried Tomatoes! Tomatoes!"

Zombie 2:"Unnngh! No Sundried tomatoes!!!! Brains!!!"

Me: "Um guys, I don't think Massimo's has brains for a topping, wait...no they do!"

Both Zombies: "Brains!!!! Brains!!!"

Me (on phone to Pizza Guy) "And extra brains on One half....are you guys gonna chip in on this? Guys?"

Zombies: "Unnngh! Graaaagh!"

Whenever it's their turn to pay, suddenly they can't speak Zombie english anymore. I call it Zomblish, or Zinglish. They're kinda like my friend's Korean Mother that way... well in a few ways actually.

Oops, there goes the Codec. Delta Colossus needs me.

So anyway, as a member of NDS (Nerf Death Squad) you will not be in contact with any other Operatives. We all act independantly of each other. That way, if you are captured, you will not be able to betray any vital information. We incorporate your training into your day-to-day life, it has commenced already. That bus you have to run for, the extra-heavy backpack, the elevator that's not working, the shooting game you friend wants to play at the arcade, these are all part of your basic training. Commit yourself to surmount every obstacle in your way and you will be succesful. Trust no one except yourself. When you have been selected, we will contact you. The mission may be a Nerfination, or simply a transfer of funds from your bank account to mine... I mean the Organizations. Here are your passwords. Please commit them to memory.

Codename: Spotty Trackpants
Activation Phase: Rubber Bedsheets Surprise

Please familiarize yourself with these weapons:

Armoury

The main job of NDS of course, is the complete eradication of all Zombies! How can you do it with just Nerf, you ask? Well, when the Nerf projectiles have been soaked in Bio-Gen Neurotoxin, an Anti-Narcosis pathogen, the answer is obvious.

You may think you are too cute/cool/strong/smart to be eaten by Zombies but you are wrong. I knew someone else who thought like that, and she.... she... I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say I have sworn a sacred vow:

DESTROY ALL ZOMBIES!!!!!

(inspired by and dedicated to jen)